Ray of Sunshine

One day some parents brought their little children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But when the disciples saw this, they scolded the parents for bothering him.

 ¹⁶ Then Jesus called for the children and said to the disciples, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. ¹⁷ I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.”

Luke 18:15-17

Four years ago today, late on a Friday (the 13^th) evening, I was blessed with my precious ray of sunshine.  My fifth baby was born and my world changed forever.

From the age of four, my oldest daughter had prayed for a baby sister.  Not long after her sixth birthday, we were shopping at Target when my little girl picked up a pair of tiny ballet slippers. She wanted to buy these tiny slippers for the baby sister that was in my tummy.  I laughed for there was no baby in my tummy. For the next few minutes, we argued back and forth about the baby that was not in my tummy.  After many minutes of the back and forth banter the four year old finally won and I bought the pair of slippers.  Three days later, I had a positive pregnancy test in my hand.  I was flabbergasted.  My six year old was thrilled.  I asked her how she knew that mommy had a baby in her tummy and she said, “Because I asked Jesus for a baby sister.” 

The faith of a child.  There is nothing like it and nothing more precious. Why can we all not have that kind of faith in God? 

Before we are corrupted by sin and the world, our faith is great.  We believe that God can move the mountains if only we ask.  I see that in my now four year old baby girl every day.  When it rains, “mommy, God is giving the snakes water.”  When she eats “thank you God for my mommy’s good food.”  When she plays “God lets me have lots of toys.”  She understands where things come from and does not question.

Jesus said that the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like the children.  We have to believe as our children believe.  We need to see the world and those in it through the eyes of our children.  Wow.  That is tough.

It is amazing how when dealing with difficult and big things, God seems so much smaller. As I dealt with depression, I went through many days of questioning God.  God became a lot less big to me than He had in the past.  He felt so much farther away from me. Why did God bring this little girl into my life, the world?  Here was my beautiful little girl who would never remember what it was to have mommy and daddy together on vacation or for birthdays.  It brought so much anger into my heart.  For me, it was not acceptable.  I was wrapped in pain and hurt and my world was dark. 

One evening I was tucking her into bed and said her prayers.  I went through the normal thank for …. where we name everyone in our family. Part of that prayer included praying for daddy and that God will keep him safe.  Once we were done praying, my sweet little girl looked at me and said, “Mommy, I love you, I love granddaddy and grandmommy and I love daddy”.  Now the first part of that sentence was the norm.  She always said she loved me, granddaddy, and grandmommy but this was the first time she said daddy.  Now don’t get me wrong.  It was not that she suddenly realized that she loved her daddy.  The kid is crazy for her daddy.  Instead, it was a God moment.  He spoke those words through her to my heart.  Tears streamed down my face as I looked at her and said “and mommy and daddy love you so very much too.”  My sweet girl put her little hands on my face and said “Mommy don’t be sad.’  I told her I wasn’t sad. That mommy’s tears were happy tears because she was such a special little girl.  I kissed her goodnight and said “mommy and daddy love you very much and we will always love you very much.” 

That moment was huge for me.  The sun began to pierce the darkness of my heart.  The hurt and anger began to melt just a little.  God was using that precious little gift that He had given to me to soften my heart and love when I just didn’t feel like loving.  To forgive when I just didn’t feel like forgiving.  To move forward when I just didn’t feel like budging. 

God knew what He was doing when He created my special sunshine.  Throughout the past two years He has used her so many times to remind me to love above all else.  To smile when it would be so much easier to cry.  To cherish every moment and everything, recognizing that they all are precious gifts from God when we are so undeserving. 

Happy Birthday to my sweet ray of sunshine!